I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
