He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
