i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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