There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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