I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
