Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
