Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
