He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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