i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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