remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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