I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
