This girl is more easily done than said...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
