I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
