i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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