I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i would punch a child for taco bell
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
