Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
