chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
