ugly people sure do ruin things
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
