he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
