are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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