I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
