please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
