you guys were way drunker than both of me
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
