he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
