new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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