every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
