I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
