Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize