I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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