They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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