i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
