plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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