i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
