I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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