I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
