My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
