I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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