woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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