if you like me you must not know who I am
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
