im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
