there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
