Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
