Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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