omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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