I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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