U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
