Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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