So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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