Heybabeimwearingurpanties
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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