Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
