think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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