I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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