I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
