Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
