here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
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He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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