Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
