How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
