great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
