i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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