If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
