so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I will be naked everywhere
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
