why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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