he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
