The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize