Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
