Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hippo gnu deer
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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