I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
