were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I am one with the molecules
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
