I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
