i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
