Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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